ray2day (ray2day) wrote in angelicrealm,


dont know if i should be writing at all cuz im not at home and shit..... but imma try to do this without pissing anyone around me off.
i hate having my period and shit.. men act like you have the chicken pox and shit. but its ok... i guess. well no its not cuz its pissing me the fuck off right now that my man wont even fuck me cuz he "scared" of the fact that i have my period. but im good. i gotta go home and get ready for work and shit. an i dont want to! this week is gonna be very tiring and aggravating cuz i have my period. im mad right now and trying not to take it out on him but to be honest its just too easy cuz hes sitting in my face. i gotta call Kenneth and get up with him and catch up on old times and stuff... i know he going crazy now that my phone is off and shit. Kartel is not playing any games... he wants me to come through and let him get at it... but i cant do that. i wont do that. he is a very chill nigga and i still like him after about a year now and shit. but i gotta control myself and not let that nigga get to me like that.what the fuck... why cant i ever win when i want to? its so much that i could be doing on my own time that i wont do cuz i dont want to hurt Claude... tony is still trying to get it in and i have thought about it but i cant do it out of love and respect for Claude. Ashley and i havent talked in about two weeks and i think its a good idea that we dont start to talk either, cuz i know his intentions arent good for me and its not going to be that easy for me to lie about what ive done with him, to Claude. i been trying to be on the up and up with him this far so im not trying to fuck it up now. on another note.. this distance shits going to be the end of us in my opinion. cuz he know how i am and i know how he wants me to act and then theres the issues of sex... and issue that i dont get much of and can very easily. Justin has been calling me crazy and i know that he came to the house a few times looking for me ... thank god i wasnt at home. im not avoiding him but im trying to keep myself out of that situation all together. the summer is coming very soon and i know how shit is gonna get with me and tae and the rest of the crew when it gets hot and shit. i feel like im slipping... i know that Kenneth and i are just trying to be friends but i know that that wont last that long. we are too into our history with each other not to think about it or want it to happen. i love him... but i have to be the woman that Claude wants me to be. cuz i dont want to lose him. i love him too... its just the history that me and Kenneth have. i been staying away from him so i wont be tempted and im doing very good with that. but theres gonna come a time when i have to stop running and face him. and that will be one hell of a fucking test of love and will-power. and this will tell me how much love i have for Claude.. and how much will-power i have in myself.
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